


You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

by scftsun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Don't say I didn't warn you, Heavy Angst, M/M, i've tagged angst twice bc i was crying writing this, jaemin doesn't really show up that much here, jeno focused, nomin are living together bc they're broke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 09:43:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18618067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scftsun/pseuds/scftsun
Summary: The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held you in my arms, but when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken...And I hung my head and I cried. You make me happy when skies are grey... You'll never know dear, how much I love you... Please don't take my sunshine away.





	You are my sunshine, my only sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> playlist!

The raindrops echoed as it crashed against the roof, it was a damp, gloomy day. Most of the stores were closed due to the heavy rain yesterday. Thankfully today was different. Before Jeno could step out the door, Jaemin came out of his room and called for the older boy. “Where are you off to?” The younger asks, holding an empty bowl and glass, it was evident the boy was headed to the kitchen. “I’m going to see Donghyuck,” Jeno mumbled with his hushed voice. Jaemin stared at the older for a solid minute, he had a stoic look on his face making it impossible to know what was running through his head, after a while, he sighed and mumbled good luck. With a small nod, Jeno gave the younger an apologetic look before closing the door behind him. 

 

It was a quiet day, it wasn’t raining anymore but most shops were closed, Jeno was lucky enough to find a flower shop that was still open. Immediately heading to the counter, Jeno asks, “could I have a bouquet of sunflowers?” After a few minutes of waiting, the lady comes back with a bunch of flowers, while she was preparing to wrap it, she makes conversation with the young boy. “What’s the occasion for? If you don’t mind me asking.” Jeno looks up to the lady tending the flowers, “oh, uh, I’m seeing someone special and I’d like to give them this.” he smiles as he shyly looks away. With a quiet giggle, the lady finishes wrapping the bouquet and Jeno pays for his order, “They must be very special, these flowers say a lot about what you’re trying to convey,” the lady speaks for the last time. Jeno smiles at the lady once more, “thank you, he’s uh… very special indeed.” he replies quietly before leaving the shop. 

 

Jeno greets the guard at the gate, they chat for a while before letting Jeno in. The young boy continues to calm his nerves by breathing in and out, he places his hand on his chest right on where his heart is, “you can do this Jeno…” he whispers to himself quietly motivating his heart. As he approaches the door, his hand shakes as he holds the key. He stares at the door for a while and exhales before inserting the key and letting himself in. The door opens and he looks around, nothing much has changed since the last time he visited. He sits on the chair and stares across him, “Hey Hyuck, it’s been a while… Sorry, I haven’t visited in a while I uh I’ve been kinda busy.” Jeno looks down at his lap, he nags himself internally, reminding himself that the younger obviously would not respond, Jeno closes his eyes for a bit. 

 

For a while it was silent, Jeno looks back up to the younger boy. With a shaky voice, he starts speaking again, “I love you, you know that right?” He sighs, “I tell myself I’ll be fine on my own but really… I don’t know what I’d do without you. I feel like every life I’ve lived is to find you, I can’t just let you go…” He stares at the bouquet in his hands, “Do you know how hard it was to find you? Do you know how hard I had to fight just to end back to you? I can’t just lose you that easily.” He sighs, “After all these years of trying to find the right one, only to figure out that they’ve been beside me all this time. I’m so sorry for ever hurting you. I’m sorry for treating you badly. Please come back.” Jeno stares across him before continuing, trying to bask in the thoughts running through his head, “I know we’ve had our differences and I know we’ve said things we both didn’t mean, but that’s all in past. I’m here now. I can make it right, just please come back. I promise I’ll listen to you now, I promise I’ll do better just come back. I need you by my side, I’m so sorry for taking you granted.”

 

The raven-haired boy tries his best to fight his tears knowing it’s not the time to cry. His voice starts to break as he continues to talk, “I’m sorry for not walking you home every night. I’m sorry for not picking up the phone every time you called. I’m sorry I brushed you off every time you needed me, I didn’t know better. I’m so sorry for not being there by you when you needed someone. Please, please, please just come back. I miss your smile, I miss the way your eyes would crease when your smile reached up to your ears.” Jeno bites his lower lip, trying his best to prevent them from quivering, he lets out a sharp exhale as he continues, “I miss the way you’d let out the biggest and most heartful laugh when you feel joy. The way you’d nibble your thumb’s fingernail when you’re nervous for a test. The way you’d give a reassuring smile or a thumbs up just to let me know that I’m doing great. I miss you so much you don’t even understand. I wish you could be by my side again… I wish I’d known better back then and that I didn’t take you for granted.”

 

With only Jeno talking, the room grows silent as he stops and hangs his head back down. He puts his hands together in a tight fist as he closes his eyes. “I’m so so sorry for hurting you, for leaving you to cry in lonely nights, for letting you bare your pain to yourself and for adding more pain by telling you my selfish wishes. I wish you could know I finished my degree. Are you proud of me? I uh, I followed my dream… Just like you wanted… I wish I could see the look on your face when I received my certificate, I wish I could have taken you to the ceremony with me.” His voice falters as tears began escaping his eyes, tears start welling in his eyes, he exhales loudly and bites the inside of his cheek trying to make himself stop, knowing once he’d start crying he wouldn’t stop any time soon. With his eyes staring across him and tears strolling down his face, he whispers, “I beg you, please come back. I need you…” The raven-haired boy began whimpering through his words, a pain in his chest spreads as he continues staring across him, “I don’t know what to do now. You used to always nag me not to waste my talents, but deep down I wanted you to do the same. You always wanted the best for me, and you always looked out for me, cheering me on and never failing to put a smile on my face. You were always there when I needed you. I can’t say sorry enough. You don’t know how much I wish I could turn back time, so I could call you mine and hold you in my arms again.”

 

The pain in his chest grows but he pays no attention to it as his head starts to throb in pain. Jeno’s shoulders start to shake, “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if I realised I love you, sooner? Would you still be with me? Would things be different? I’d want to know but I guess I’ll never know…” He sniffs even though his cupid’s arrow is already damp, he croaks out to continue, “Hey, guess what… You know… Sometimes in the middle of the night, I’d stare into nothingness and reminisce about our younger days. The way we’d always call at night, how we’d always mess around and how we used to make fun of everything. I miss everything… I know it’s been four years but I really do wish I could turn back time and slap myself across the face for being so mean to you. I promise I’ll be better but please come back.” Jeno gives up from talking instead he lets go of the bouquet and let it drop on the ground. His hands cover his face as he wails outcries of sorrow. His head was throbbing, his chest was hurting and he was shaking, still, he paid no attention to himself, as all he could think of was Donghyuck. Donghyuck and his endearing smile, Donghyuck and his contagious laugh. Donghyuck’s sweet, calming voice. Donghyuck. Donghyuck. Donghyuck. 

 

A hand reaches Jeno’s shoulders, he looks back and there stands Jaemin, offering a sad smile. Jeno’s lips quiver, warning him that tears would start welling in his eyes once more. The raven-haired boy pulls the younger in a tight embrace, “I miss him Jaem, so much. I miss him it hurts…” The older cries on Jaemin’s shoulder, the younger started stroking Jeno’s back trying to calm him down, “ Shh, we all miss him, Jen… shh, it’s gonna be okay.” Jeno lets out a shaky breath. He had to face the truth, there was no turning back time. There was nothing he could do that would make the younger come back. Jeno raises his head and wipes tears off his face, he sniffles as he picks up the bouquet he dropped beside the chair he sat on. The raven-haired boy ascends from his seat, he wobbles his way to the younger, with Jaemin right behind him offering assistance in case Jeno loses his composure. With his chin shaking, Jeno places the bouquet next to the boy’s plaque that reads his lover’s name, “Donghyuck. I miss you… I love you always my sunshine.”


End file.
